Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me A Match
by Parallel-Blue13115
Summary: AU YES the story has immense STUPIDITY as well as a plot. If you don't like it, don't read it. Due to a constant theft of Urizane's watermelons, Commander Zigmarl has no choice but to issue the participation of a game of Scavenger Hunt.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own s.CRY.ed, the song 'Matchmaker', or Bartley from Baldur's Gate. So don't sue.

**A/N:** Um…this is one messed up story that I came up with…semi with a friend of mine. The first chapter may not be much, but if I can get it going, it should improve within the next couple of chapters. Hope it's okay for the rest! (It's probably not even all that funny right now )This actually has nothing to do with my other fic, Spectre's Seven. More or less, I believe it's also AU (Alternate Universe). Yes, it may have Mimori's betrothed, Raviel, Gray, Sydney, AND the Sand Monkeys in it, but it has really nothing to do with Spectre's Seven at all. I just felt like adding everyone back in here. By the way, this takes place around Episode 8 in the series, when Kazuma joins up with HOLY. So there's spoilers at that point, when Mujo comes in, and between Cougar and Kazuma. You have been warned.

--Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me A Match--

Theatrical Thursday

"All right, everyone, listen up!" Silence crawled through the room like a calming wave from the ocean. The stern voice of the Commander was not one to be disregarded so lightly.

The older looking man continued to move forward at a brisk pace, the soles of his boot making a nice rhythm against the tile of the floor. In all honesty, the Commander was no older than any of his subordinates, but something had aged his face drastically. Perhaps it was from all the stress that he had endured from ruling from such a high position in HOLY. No one had ever guessed that the creases along his forehead had come from something else.

When he stopped in the middle of the lounge area, HOLY members gathered around, some sitting in red recliners, he made no immediate action to speak. Instead, he waited until all pairs of eyes were glued solely to him. When he was satisfied, he parted his lips, speaking clearly, "Perhaps you may all think that this is amusing, watching as steam pours from my ears. But my reputation is on the line!" Those last words broke out into quite a yell.

What on earth was Commander Zigmarl talking about?

"Why would any of you want to steal watermelons anyway?" Martin Zigmarl sighed, dropping his face into a single palm. "Why?"

"Watermelons, Sir?" The one closest to him, Ryuho, was the first who dared to speak. "Are you referring to Urizane?"

"Of course!" Zigmarl snapped, his head jolting to the right, his eyes ablaze. "Someone has been stealing his watermelons! When he first came to me, complaining, I took it as some kind of joke, but now the Mainland knows about it, thanks to whomever told the President of the Board about it."

Everyone in the room attempted to restrain themselves from falling apart and laughing, especially in front of the Commander, but Zigmarl was quick to notice.

"Are you laughing?" he shouted, his face swelling with an absolute redness. "Are you LAUGHING?"

"O-Of course not, Commander," Ryuho said chastely, hastily taking over the situation. "So, what has the board decided to do about it?"

Folding his arms tightly over his chest, Zigmarl's lower lip was pushed out, almost pouting. "They told me…" Yes? "…that they think that I am unfit as a Commander to run HOLY. If something as stupid as watermelons are being stolen, it puts my job on the line, thanks to all of you! However, I can keep my position here at HOLY if all of you agree to participate in a 'cooperation' game."

"There is no doubt in my mind that we won't participate, Commander," Ryuho replied, hoping to smooth out the anger of his superior. "Isn't that right, guys?" The green haired man turned, giving everyone who _dared_ to deny partaking in the game an evil eye.

"Of course we'll play," Scheris chirped, always first to agree with the man of her affection. "Commander, what _is_ this 'cooperation' game that you speak of?"

Turning slightly to the left, his arms still folded, Zigmarl responded, "…Scavenger Hunt."

Unable to hold back any longer, the powerful Commander was reduced to becoming the cynosure of everyone's amusement. "Stop laughing, you buffoons!" Zigmarl pulled his arms apart, balling them into fists. "This is all your fault anyway! Anyone who chooses not to participate can just go straight to hell!"

Wow…that was…a little out of character for the Commander now, wasn't it? Good thing this is just a fanfic.

But Ryuho, loyal as he was, managed to do a little…negotiating…with his comrades. After succeeding in calming everyone down, he put the pocket knife back into his jacket.

"Thank you Ryuho." Zigmarl said, standing in the background.

"Of course, Sir."

"Now then," the Commander resumed, calmer now, and placed his hands behind his back. "I've already written everyone's name down and placed them in this jar," He removed one hand to display the large plastic jar resting on the round table beside him. "Each of you will take a turn picking names from the jar, and that person will be your partner." His eyes spotted a hand shoot up in the corner. "Yes?"

"Can't we choose our own partners?" a HOLY member asked.

"Where do you think we are? School? No!"

Then he snatched the jar up from the table and shoved it out for everyone to see. Removing themselves from their chairs and positions from the back of the room, everyone shuffled over to the jar to pick out a name.

Wild orange hair stood out from behind the rest of his teammates, the light reflecting against his brightly colored sunglasses. There was only one person on his mind and he turned to look at the woman whom he wished would be his partner in the Scavenger Hunt. His only hope was that she wasn't picked before he reached the jar.

When he was next in line, Zigmarl pushed the jar to his face and Straight Cougar clenched his teeth in frustration.

_'Please let me get Miss Minori…Please let me get Miss Minori…PLEASE let me get Miss Minori…'_

His fingers wrapped around a single piece of folded paper and he pulled it back. Then he straightened the fold, the black font of the name welcoming him.

_Scheris Adjani_

No, more like TORMENTING him! WHY?

"AW MAN!" Cougar cried, his eyes staring in disbelief down at the little paper in his hands.

"Scheris, eh?" The Commander nodded. "Good."

"WHAT?" Cougar heard the young girl scream from behind him. "I'm WHOSE partner?"

The Speedster watched as his hopes and dreams went up into glorious flames, thousands of silhouettes forming the resemblances of watermelons smashing down upon his fragile heart.

Scheris tore the paper from his grasp and turned to look at it herself, and for a moment, Cougar could see her own hopes and dreams catch fire due to the brilliant tragedy.

Zigmarl, pushing the two out of the way forcefully, edged the jar to Ryuho's face, who had been one of the last to choose a name. Cougar, still slumped over, felt his face hit the floor when he heard Ryuho speak the name of his new partner.

"Mimori Kiryu?" The Master of Zetsuei blinked, and then diverted his gaze to the HOLD scientist. "I guess we're partners."

"WHAT?" came the unison of the two broken-hearted HOLY members. Ah, love was such a misfortune.

Zigmarl stood, holding the empty jar. "Now that everyone has selected a partner, I want you all to make consultation with them. The game will begin two hours from now. Until then…"

And the Commander pivoted on his heel, leaving the room.

---------------------------------

"Just great," Scheris pouted, her chin propped up by her hand, as she stirred the straw in her drink. Cougar sat across from her, twiddling his thumbs, his eyes turned to the table on the other side of the room in the cafeteria of HOLY.

"Hey, that's an insult," Cougar told her, somewhat offended. But then again, he knew where she was coming from. He HAD wanted Mimori as his partner for the Scavenger Hunt.

"You know what I mean," she replied, sighing. "I'm sure it was a conspiracy. How else could that of happened?"

"Like how?" he asked her skeptically. "Her nametag was taped down at the bottom of the jar and he just grabbed it like it was any other piece of paper?"

Sticking her tongue out at him, Scheris turned to follow his gaze. "Did anyone ever tell you that it wasn't nice to spy on people?"

Cougar snorted. "Life is such a contradiction."

---------------------------------

"I get the feeling we're being watched," Ryuho told his partner, who were both seated next to the window. Paranoid, he turned his head to stare at the people behind him.

"Uh, what makes you think that?" Mimori asked, her hands held neatly in her lap. One hand went to her eye, rubbing it slightly.

"…Don't know. Guess it's just one of those things." He shrugged. "Maybe I'm just being too suspicious."

The ebony haired woman laughed softly, enjoying Ryuho's company. "So, Commander Zigmarl told us to discuss strategy. What do you think?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes, right. Strategy. Well, if it's a cooperation game, no doubt we'll have to be…is something wrong Ms. Kiryu?"

Mimori had been constantly rubbing her left eye for the past three minutes and it had begun to turn red.

"I…I think I have something in my eye."

---------------------------------

"Is she crying?" Scheris asked, leaning over the wall that separated their row from the next.

Cougar, his muscles tensing, replied, "She had better not be. If Ryuho did…"

"Why is it always about Ryuho?" The girl's eyes turned, narrowed. "Maybe they're talking about a movie they saw or a song they heard and it was sentimental."

"…You really think so?"

"Not really."

---------------------------------

"Oh, wait, don't rub it," Ryuho stood up and leaned over the table. "Hold on, let me see."

Mimori's hand fell to her lap as Ryuho gently placed his hand on her cheek and moved down to gaze at her eye.

---------------------------------

"Oh my gosh! He's kissing her! He's kissing her!" Scheris shrieked, knocking her chair back and jumping up.

The blood in Cougar's face drained white as he watched the HOLY member leaning over the table and kissing Mimori. He jumped up, the table crashing to the floor along with all of its food, drinks, and decoration.

"MISS MINORI!"

"RYUHO!"

"Hey, watch it!"

Silence enveloped the room and Scheris and the Speedster gazed up at Commander Zigmarl, who was now wearing the duo's old food. Scheris' drink made a nice hairpiece for the Commander, even through his budding fury. All eyes, even the ones from Ryuho and Mimori, were pasted on the two and their fuming superior.

"On the count of three," Cougar whispered to his partner in crime, "we run."

"I like that idea."

"One…"

"Two…"

Scheris paused, waiting for Cougar to say 'three'. When it never came, she shot a gaze to the Speedster…only to find that he had disappeared after he had said 'one.' "COUGAR!"

---------------------------------

A blonde haired individual resting in his leather recliner was suddenly disturbed when the sound of a revving engine caught his ears. It couldn't be Gray and Sydney, right? Nah, they were still mad at him for crashing the car into the sub-sandwich station the other day! They COULDN'T be back.

Still…

Setting his book aside, he stood up, stretching his back, and peered out the curtains. An oversized pink sports car nearly overturned in front of his house, and the doors opened quickly. A large grin breaking at his lips, Raviel flung the front door open, his arms widely spread.

"Cougar! My good friend! What brings you to Inner today?"

But the Master of Radical Goodspeed merely stormed past the blonde man, up the porch steps, and into his house.

"…Well that's not a very comforting welcome." Raviel mumbled, and followed heel after the Speedster.

He found the normally cheerful man rummaging through his cabinets and refrigerator. Cougar stopped, turned, and opened a cabinet door high above the stove. Finding what he had sought for, he emerged with a bottle of whiskey in his hand, and popped the lid off, preparing to down the entire bottle.

"AH! What do you think you're doing?" Raviel cried, tearing the source of evil from Cougar's hands. "You're not an alcoholic, Cougar!"

"I've decided to take up some new habits," the Speedster mumbled, grabbing for the bottle.

Turning his body so that the alcohol remained out of the orange haired man's grasp, Raviel frowned. "Cougar, I've known you since we were kids, right before you decided to betray us Inners and join up with HOLY."

"You're not an Inner," the HOLY man pointed out. "Stop pretending that you are." And he sulked off into the front room.

"Something is definitely wrong," Raviel pointed out. "By carcass, you're not yourself today! I've never seen you this depressed. Why, it must be a bad omen!"

"By carcass? What the?"

"Please! Do yourself a favor and tell me all about it!" The blonde man pushed Cougar into his leather recliner, and hovered above him, as the Master of Radical Goodspeed struggled to regain his balance and not overturn in the chair as Raviel had knocked him into it.

"Now I remember why we get along so well." And a smile broke out on the Speedster's face.

---------------------------------

"Ah…Scavenger Hunt…I see." Raviel chewed on his bottom lip. "I remember you telling me about Miss Minori before. And you're _sure_ Ryuho was kissing her?"

"Would I be this enraged if I wasn't?"

Raviel pondered for a moment. "No, I suppose not."

Cougar pushed himself out of the recliner and began to pace back and forth in the room. "There must be SOMETHING I can do. With the new partnership of Ryuho and Miss Minori it will no doubt spring up new feelings for each other possibly resulting in deep love and then I don't know what I'll do because then it will also mean that--"

"Cougar! Stop it! You're working yourself up so much that you're involuntarily using your Alter to speed up your speech."

"Ah," Cougar sighed. "Forgive me."

Chuckling, Raviel stood up, placing a hand over his heart. "Aha! I've just had the most SPECTACULAR idea since yesterday!" Glancing quizzically up at his friend, Cougar's mouth scrunched up. "Why don't I play Matchmaker for you?"

"What?"

"Yeah! It's a great idea!" Raviel continued. "If you gain me access to be a member of HOLD, then I can make sure nothing happens between now and the end of the Scavenger Hunt. Uh…" Then the blonde man paused. "When does it end again?"

Tapping his index finger against his chin, Cougar replied, "Well…Today's Thursday…so…Monday."

"Ah! That's perfect! I'll join HOLD today and then on Monday, I'll 'suffer' from some kind of accident and you can say that I am deceased, so that way they'll never come looking for me."

"Deceased?"

"Yeah! Well…me being a thief and all, it'll hurt my reputation if I get caught by HOLY now…"

Raviel and his two counterparts, Gray and Sydney, were known all over the Lost Ground for their infamous robberies to HOLY and the Mainland.

Turning his head to give Raviel his profile, Cougar blew the orange fringe from his eyes. "Hmm…Matchmaker eh? Knowing you and knowing myself, this is going to end in a disaster." That just gave the incentive for Cougar to spin on his feet, arms outstretched, and smile. "So! What are we waiting for?"

"There we go!" Raviel threw his head back and laughed. And it was a high-pitched laugh.

The glass lampshade shattered.

---------------------------------

"And how exactly do you expect to pass yourself off as a HOLD member, Raviel?"

"Easy," the thief whispered as he and Cougar stepped into the HOLY parking lot. "I'm your long lost cousin, thought deceased, but was twice removed in the process."

Elevating an eyebrow, Cougar looked at him, and said flatly, "Yeah. Whatever. And if they do a DNA test?"

"…Let's give them reason not to."

"Won't you need a codename for this sort of thing?"

"Like what? Malkovitch?"

"Hmm…not bad…but that sounds too much like the name of a spy from the early 1900s."

"There was a spy in the 1900s with that name? Aw, shucks."

Cougar flipped his shades over his eyes. "Forget the codename. You're not that popular anyway."

"Hey!"

"Isn't that the way you want to be? You're a _thief_, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember!" Raviel spat back.

"Besides, you're an Alter User. No point in giving yourself away now. You're my relative separated from birth and was found mysteriously through the phonebook. Then by coincidence, I called you, got the wrong number…"

"COUGAR!"

Stiffening, the two turned eastwards, where an angry Scheris lay in wait for the Speedster.

"There you are!" she shouted, swirls of angry massive storm clouds trailing behind her as she marched up to him. "How dare you leave me behind to get lectured by the Commander! And to top it off, you're LATE starting the Scavenger Hunt!" Her eyes drifted to the newcomer standing beside the Speedster. "Ah, I see. You went to find a NEW partner. How rude."

"No! No! It's an honest mistake, Scheris," Cougar laughed nervously, and held out his hand to Raviel, as though displaying a trophy. "This, here, is…"

"The pizza guy!" Raviel interrupted, shouting above Cougar. "Now looking for work here at HOLY!"

Mouth agape, Cougar slapped himself upside the face.

"…The pizza guy?" the young girl asked skeptically, her balled fists on her hips. "Cougar, what kind of crazy guy did you bring here?"

"Well…it _is _true…" _'Whoever this guy says he is,' _"He is, in fact, looking for work here at HOLY."

"Annnnnd…Mr. Pizza Guy, what EXACTLY is your area of expertise?"

"Uh…stealing?"

"He wants to work as an apprentice under Miss Minori as a researcher of HOLD!" Cougar stole the conversation, pushing Raviel out of the way.

"And you just think that Commander Zigmarl is going to take HIM into HOLY?" Scheris asked, her eyes narrowing.

"Hey, who are you anyway?" Raviel pointed a stern finger at her. "His secretary? His Magic Eight Ball? I object!"

"…Session is over," Cougar muttered, and pushed Raviel up to the front door.

"Cougar! What about the Scavenger Hunt?" Scheris protested.

"Uh…Later!"

"Everyone is going to get ahead of us!" And that was the last thing he heard before the door closed behind him.

"Pizza guy?" Cougar hissed. "I thought you were supposed to be my cousin!"

"She caught me off guard," Raviel shrugged. "What can I say? I get nervous under pressure!"

"And you're a THIEF?"

"That's a different kind of pressure."

"Ch. Yeah right."

---------------------------------

Seeing as this fanfic (as stated before) takes place at episode eight, while Cougar was out, the protagonist-slash-anti-hero-slash-Shell-Bullet-Alter-User has already sidled up to the Commander in order to find his captured comrades. Seeing as Commander Zigmarl was busy arguing with Ryuho about the acceptance of Kazuma into HOLY, Raviel was instantly accepted to be Mimori's apprentice, and the unremitting fight between Martin Zigmarl and his subordinate continued.

But where was Unkei?

---------------------------------

"Kigetsuki!" the Master of the Mad Sprict…the God of the Story…the Greatest Playwright of all time…bellowed to his Scavenger Hunt partner. "I require more paper! I MUST write a GOOD scenario while we are out hunting for the items on the list that Commander Zigmarl gave us!" Unkei held up a half-written script that was titled, "Here we come-a caroling."

"Isn't that what your Alter is for?" the vain brunette asked the pink afro HOLY member as Unkei waved the script in his face.

"Yes! But my pen died a few miles back, so I had to make a trade with the clerk at the gas station in bargain for a new one!"

Kigetsuki rolled his eyes, pushing his foot against the gas pedal.

"And I'm hungry!" Unkei concluded.

"Well, why don't you write a story where you somehow obtain food?"

"Idiot! How dare you degrade my writings as such! I write exquisite plays! Not menus!"

Slapping Kigetsuki across the head with his clipboard, Unkei sunk further into his car seat, folding his arms miserably over his chest.

"You big jerk!" And with sudden movement, Kigetsuki unbuckled his seat belt and tackled Unkei to the floorboard, while the car, with its uneven alignment, immediately swerved off to the right of the forest path, and overturned in a ditch.

Kigetsuki crashed through the windshield and landed in some bush, while Unkei's large Alter that produced his Mad Sprict was torn from the ropes that constrained it to the roof of the car and was shattered against some large protruding boulders, and Unkei was tossed somewhere along the dirt path like a ragged doll.

The HOLY vehicle, used and abused, unexpectedly burst into random flames, setting fire to the poor, innocent forest and the homes of the little woodland creatures.

"See what you've done!" Unkei shouted across to Kigetsuki, who was attempting to pry himself out of the thorn bush, screaming all the while. "You destroyed my Alter and caused our car to randomly combust!" He waved his fist at the brunette. "Why did I have to get stuck being partners with a fool like you?"

"Aw shut up!"

Unnoticed to the two bickering HOLY members, rustling slowly began in the trees and quickly moved about the forest, forming a complete circle around the duo. Taking a break from their argument for just a moment, Unkei and Kigetsuki (who had succeeded in pulling himself out of the bush) glanced up into the trees.

"Perhaps it is the wind," Unkei suggested. But the discouraging feeling deep within him spoke differently.

Then a small furry head poked up through the leaves, its black, beady little eyes blinking as it stared down upon the two.

"Aw, how cute!" Unkei bellowed as he pointed up to the little monkey in the tree. "It's all right, Kigetsuki. It's just a monkey."

But Kigetsuki wasn't convinced. "Unkei…What's a wild monkey doing on the Lost Ground?"

Pausing, Unkei looked back and forth between the monkey and his partner. "I, uh, didn't stop to think about that…"

Breaking the conversation between the two, the monkey in the tree began to make high pitched screeching, as though summoning other comrades for aid.

"He's not going to do anything," Kigetsuki shook his head and stated the obvious. "It's just a MONKEY!"

It wasn't until the glint of a silver scimitar caught the eyes of the two as the rays from the sun reflected against it.

"Hey…is that monkey holding a…?"

"Yup!" Kigetsuki pushed himself to his feet, and turned to run, until he beheld the sight of hundreds of monkeys, swarming around them, each holding a single scimitar, wearing a red bandanna across their little foreheads, and a single green fig leaf was strapped across their waists.

"Awww, they think they're Tarzan," Kigetsuki cooed and kneeled down. "Come here, little fellas…"

"Kigetsuki! I wouldn't…"

"Shh! Shut up Unkei! They're monkeys with plastic swords! What are they gonna do to us?"

Yes, that was true.

But then again, they hadn't actually _seen_ the black net fall from the sky until it was too late.

Now caught within a fabric of holes, Unkei blinked, his partner being swarmed by monkeys, who had begun to tie the net together.

"Attack of the killer monkeys!" Unkei said inwardly. "It would make for a perfect drama!"

---------------------------------

So, now that Unkei and Kigetsuki were captured by monkeys (only Raviel knows what kind), that means that Kazuma is at HOLY…NOT under Unkei's influence. Cougar, who was busy 'eating away his sorrows,' remained in the cafeteria, Raviel sitting across from him, chatting away.

"So, Matchmaker, where are they now?" Cougar asked, feeling his eyes narrow. He was referring to the two scavenger hunt partners--one whom Raviel was SUPPOSED to be keeping his eyes on at all times.

"Eh…" Raviel stuttered, fiddling with the collar of his new HOLD uniform, "…I thought the guy at the front said they took car 13. Turns out they took car 30."

Cougar, surprisingly, did nothing more than stir his chopsticks around in a circle, taking the noodles on his plate along for the ride.

"Hey! Don't give me the silent treatment!" Raviel shouted, standing up and slapping the flats of his hands against the table's top. "I'm Class A when it comes to spying on people!"

At that remark, the blonde man was rewarded with stares from all across the cafeteria.

"Ewww! Gross! Pervert!" one girl shouted and chucked her shoe at him.

"Hey! Watch it!" Raviel shouted back, restraining himself from flipping the 'no-no' finger.

"Sit down, you clown." Cougar told him. "You're causing a scene."

"She started it," Raviel protested, but fell back into the seat. "She threw her shoe at me."

Ignoring the half-witted comment, the Speedster continued, "We can still catch up to them, thanks to me, and no thanks to you."

"Gee, thanks." But when Raviel turned his profile to Cougar, he caught the glimpse of emerald hair from out of the corner of his eye. "Well that ruins everything."

"Hmm?"

"Ryuho's back."

"What? Where?" Cougar, jumping to his feet this time, began spinning in all directions, seeking out his younger colleague.

When Raviel jerked a thumb in the opposite direction, Cougar quickly crouched down, watching as Ryuho walked into the cafeteria, Mimori behind him.

"Hey, it's Miss Minori," Raviel smiled widely. "Looks like she's reading something. Probably a love letter."

"What?" Being met with a very unhappy glare from Cougar, Raviel was hasty to make up something else.

"I um…I mean, she's PROOF-READING a love letter that…er…her friend wants to send to someone else…"

Receiving the Speedster's sharp stare for a moment longer, Cougar turned back to Ryuho and Mimori. Raviel began to state another factor that he had observed about the green haired HOLY member.

"Hey, Ryuho looks pis--"

"COUGAR!"

"…Not again," Cougar mumbled as he turned around, and blinked. "Kazuya?"

"It's KazuMA!" The Shell Bullet Alter User snarled. "Still as dense as ever, right?"

"Is that…?" The blonde haired thief gasped, stumbling backwards. "It CAN'T be! Susan?"

"Dear Lord, you're still ALIVE?" Kazuma frowned, his eyes narrowing. "And stop calling me 'Susan'! We're not kids anymore!"

"I remember Susan from way back when!" Raviel grinned from ear to ear at Cougar, pointing to Kazuma.

"I said stop it!"

So…why is Raviel calling Kazuma 'Susan'? We shall soon find out…

But until then…Why is Ryuho so angry?

---------------------------------

"Ms. Kiryu!" Ryuho spun on his back foot in the cafeteria, nearly shouting. "What do you mean that your betrothed has come to the city? And why haven't you ever told me that your parents set you up with an arranged marriage?"

Mimori fiddled with the letter in her hand. "I…I never thought that my parents would send him here. Besides, I always thought that he had moved on, er, already had another girlfriend." At Ryuho's disgusted glare, Mimori quickly added, "Ryuho, there has never been anything between him and I!"

"So who the heck is he?" Ryuho had inattentively folded his arms over his chest and had begun to tap his foot against the floor.

"His name is Ryel Cavendish--His family has an estate in Western Europe. That is why you may not be familiar with them, but his family has great association with mine."

"Apparently."

"It's only for the weekend," Mimori protested. "He's my guest, so the Commander has insisted that I be the one who escorts him around the city."

"ONLY for the weekend? The scavenger hunt ends on Monday! Who's going to be my partner then?"

---------------------------------

"WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?"

The conversation broken, Ryuho and Mimori turned around to see an enraged Commander, who had been attacked by a strawberry-banana smoothie. Wiping the vicious substance from his eyes, he glared daggers down at Kazuma, who was holding the empty glass.

"I was aiming for HIM!" Kazuma pointed to Raviel, passing all the blame off on the blonde thief. "YOU just got in the way!"

"I knew that he was trouble," Ryuho muttered and left Mimori's side, jogging over to the angered Commander. "Commander Zigmarl! I--"

"Ah! GOOD!" Zigmarl snorted, strawberry-banana saliva particles spraying all over Ryuho and the people around him. "JUST the Alter User I wanted to see!" Zigmarl placed a smoothie-covered hand on Ryuho's shoulder and jerked him forward. "Ryuho, meet your new partner in the Scavenger Hunt. You two DESERVE each other."

"WHAT?" Both Ryuho and Kazuma cried.

But Zigmarl had stomped off.

"…I'm going to go slit my wrists with a paper towel now," the Shell Bullet Alter User muttered.

"This is ALL your fault!" Ryuho shouted, getting in Kazuma's face. "WHY do I have to be partners with you?"

Kazuma was going to retort with something about quitting HOLY, but then remembered that he had to find his captured friends. Either way, he had no choice.

"Man, dude, you suck."

"YOU'RE the one who assaulted him with the strawberry-banana smoothie!"

"Strawberry-banana?" Raviel blinked. "Fudge. I thought it was coconut. I'm gonna go get a refund." Cougar grabbed the back of Raviel's shirt and jerked a thumb to Mimori, who was now standing alone.

"Isn't it your job to find out what it is that she has in her hands?" Cougar asked. "I'll keep these two distracted while you do that."

"Aw, shut up!"

"You Fork!"

"FORK? What the heck is FORK?"

Raviel, his eyes following back and forth between the bickering new 'partners,' simply nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

---------------------------------

Too bad Raviel didn't have binoculars on hand. SO! We move forward to meet another not-so-important-but-really-is character in our story. He will be supplying our thief with all of his goods.

So Raviel had to walk downtown to a junky store. Reading the white paper in his hands where he had written down the address, he looked back up at the name of the old tattered building. "Bartley's…Hey, does that say 'Black Market'?" Squinting further at the sign, Raviel realized that 'Black' had been crossed out with a permanent black marker, making it simply look like 'Bartley's Market'.

Shrugging it off, the blonde thief entered the store, where he was greeted by a fat old man with a full-grown white beard and hair.

"Oh, ho, ho, friend! How are you doing? Welcome to my store where you'll find nothing but top notch quality!"

"Um…Yeah," Raviel sidestepped away from the man, the feeling of his personal space being violated becoming more apparent to him. "So…I'm looking for…"

"Armor! Of course! Nothing but the best! Top notch quality!"

"…Not really. I was actually wondering if you had…"

"Rejuvenation potions! Absolutely! Where all prices are fair, friend!"

"Man, aren't you EVER going to let me finish my sentence?" Raviel snapped, his patience thinning. "I don't want armor and I don't want potions!"

"Ah! Then how about this?" The man (who apparently was Bartley, as much as Raviel had figured) grabbed a stick from off of the rack and displayed it in front of Raviel. "Top notch quality, eh?"

Blinking, the blonde man stooped down, his eyes running across the fine finish of the wood. Then he realized what it was. "Isn't this a broomstick?"

"Of course not! This is an exotic STAFF! High priced! Top notch quality! Only for 60,000 gold!"

"Fool! What kind of world are YOU living in? This ain't no Dungeons and Dragons! And that there piece of junk is a BROOMSTICK!" Raviel complained.

"How dare you call me a liar! Fine! Then I'll have to show you something ELSE that will catch your eye!" Tossing the 'staff' aside, Bartley reached back on another shelf and emerged with a pail, which he held upside-down. "How about this top notch quality helm? Guaranteed to protect your head against the mightiest of cleavers!"

"That's a GARBAGE pail!" Raviel argued. "No garbage pail is going to protect someone from a sledgehammer, old man! Are you senile?"

Frowning, Bartley set the 'helm' back on the shelf. "A tough customer eh? No matter. I've been serving top notch quality adventurers for over a decade now."

"FOOL! I'm NOT an adventurer! I'm a THIEF! THIEF! I…uh…oops…"

But Bartley hadn't seemed to notice. Instead, he was reaching back for something else. "How about a pair of binoculars to see your opponents with, eh?"

In his hands were the cardboard cylinders from two empty rolls of toilet paper that had been taped together to look like binoculars.

"Top notch quality!" Bartley sang out, pushing the 'binoculars' in Raviel's face.

"Man! Those came from toilet paper rolls! You know what they use TOILET PAPER for? WHY would I want to put something that gets rubbed against someone's tush over my EYES? What kind of fool would want to buy these things?"

"Only 1,200 gold! Top notch quality!"

"Give me that!" Raviel slapped the currency in Bartley's hands, snatched the 'binoculars' away, and stomped out of the store.

---------------------------------

"Man, these binoculars suck." Raviel mumbled as he hung outside of Mimori's room, strapped to a cord that he had hammered into the rail of the balcony above him. Upside-down, he used the 'binoculars' to try and focus in on the note Mimori had had in her hands earlier, which was now located on her desk. Mimori was not in her room at the moment, luckily for Raviel.

Pulling the toilet paper cylinders away from his eyes, Raviel began to shake the 'binoculars' up and down. "They don't even have any lenses in them! What a rip-off for 1,200 dollars! Top notch quality my butt. I'll get that old man back! But first…"

Then the sliding glass door opened on the balcony above him, and Raviel turned white.

"Well…things could always be worse…" he muttered as a head came into view over the railing above him. "I could've spent 2,000 dollars on the binoculars."

"Hey! What's this hook doing drilled into the side of my balcony?" Urizane shouted, attempting to pull the metal piece out of the side of the railing.

"No! Don't do that!" Raviel screamed, waving his arms around frantically.

"Must've been the birds…!" the normally jolly man bellowed, grabbing a potted plant and beating it against the hook. "Winged spawns of the devil!"

"Aw, nuts!" Seeing no other solution, Raviel began to use the toilet paper binoculars as a battering ram and repeatedly beat it against Mimori's window before he was cut loose from his binds and fell ultimately to his death…180 somewhat stories below.

He was lucky when her window shattered and he managed to swing himself to the window just as Urizane tossed the broken potted plant over the side of the balcony and began to take his deck chair to the rail instead.

"Free!" Raviel screeched as he pulled himself through the broken window…

…and ripped his pants on the shattered glass.

And then Mimori's door opened.

"…so then I told the flight attendant, 'look, I'M a quadrupleionaire and I could BUY that plane in like…two seconds.'" A man with dirty blonde hair in a suit stopped short halfway into Mimori's apartment with Mimori, herself, right behind. "Mimori…did you hire a stripper?"

Raviel, who stood half-naked in front of Mimori's window, was busy trying to tape his pants back together, using the tape dispenser on the Kiryu girl's desk. The duo in the doorway stood there, dumbfounded, as Raviel blinked…

…then threw the tape dispenser against the wall, grabbed the white note on Mimori's desk, snatched up his tattered pants, and tore through the room, forcing himself past Mimori and the young man (knocking them both to the ground along the way), and shouted, "You can't see me! I'm invisible!"

---------------------------------

"WHAT?"

Cougar paced back and forth in his own room while Raviel stood clad in his smiley face boxers, using whatever came to mind to try and mend his pants together. First he tried tape, then he tried glue, and now he was working with cement and clay.

"They SAW you?" The Speedster slapped his face into his hands, growling. "The whole PURPOSE of you HELPING me was to not get caught!"

"Keep your dentures in, man." Raviel mumbled. "I got the note, didn't I?"

"Yes, and it says something about some guy named Riot coming to visit Miss Minori."

"Did you see how it was signed?"

Cougar turned briefly, glancing at the letter, and frowned, the ends of his lips creasing incredibly. "B-Betrothed?"

"Yeah, I thought that that may be of interest to you."

"Betrothed?"

"I assume that that was the guy who came in with her when I was taping my pants back together. She had gone to the airport to get him apparently."

Cougar fell onto his couch, sighing. "Aw man…"

Beaming, Raviel began to bounce back and forth, singing. "Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match. Find me a find, catch me a catch--"

"Put a sock in it," Cougar said sourly. "All you've done is get me into deeper trouble."

"That hurts! After ALL I've done for you!" Holding up the hand that was clenching his cement covered pants, Raviel declared, "I was almost KILLED for your benefit! Some guy was trying to unhook me from his balcony all the while of throwing his potted plant, deck chair, and random watermelons at me!"

"…Sounds like Urizane."

"Well, I'll be sure to pay him back PERSONALLY…when he goes in to his room and finds that I've taken everything except the paint on his walls…"

"No, no, no. That will only make it worse. Leave it alone, Rav. Anyway, what else can we do about Ryuho and this Riot guy?"

Utterly defeated, Raviel tossed his pants into the trash. Wiping the clay off his smiley face boxers, he stated, "Well, the Scavenger Hunt is over Monday and we only have to entertain Ryel until the weekend is over. I'm sure that between two brains, we can survive until then. Who knows? It just may be interesting. With your surrogate brother here and all, I just may enjoy myself."

Cougar looked at him skeptically, and shook his head.

"This is going to be the worst weekend of my life. I can feel it."

---------------------------------

Um…yeah…pretty random, I know. I was pretty hesitant to put this story here (cuz' at the moment, I really don't like it.) but please let me know what you think…without flames. Because those are mean and useless.

PB-13115


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